This is my life...

Well hello there...

Wow. I finally did it. I finally created a blog of my own. My first blog ever. I know what you are thinking and yes, I technically have a blog via my band, The Material, but I can't really claim ownership of that. The truth is, most things Material-web based are Jon's creations. It's not that I am incapable... I think I just got lazy when I realized I would probably never be as computer savvy as he is, and so I usually just let him take the wheel.

So, why now? Once upon a time, I used to be a writer, poet, artist etc. Then I started a band. Don't get me wrong, I love song writing, and my band, but writing non-musical stuff came first, before music. I guess that is why I am excited to finally start writing again, straight up journal style. None of this eternally struggling to find rhyming words...or counting syllables... just thoughts. Stories. Ideas.

I remember the first story I wrote was called "The Summer of the Spies". Yup, it was a winner. Haha. Think Harriet the Spy goes suburban. I think I was eight years old and my best friend had just moved to Hawaii. She and I used to have so much fun ruling the neighborhood on our red banana seat bikes, spying on the neighbors and doing all the fun things usual eight-year-old girls do. Of course, when she moved, I was miserable, and my Mom, being a teacher, always encouraged us to write journals. I guess that is how it all started. So thank you Mom for always pushing me into doing educational activities during summer when most kids were only thinking about ice cream trucks and cannon balls. She is the best.

And art you ask? Before music, before writing, came art. I must have been six when I asked for my first easel. It was the kind with a white board on one side, and to this day I blame my old sister for it's early demise when I found permanent marker drawings on it's once clean, ivory smooth surface. (It's okay Ang, I forgive you :) The only people who know about this early love of mine are the members of my family who continue to tease me about the barre I used to wear in first grade. Yes, every artist must own a fancy hat such as the barre, and thus, I summoned my amazingly creative Aunt Shelly to create one for me. I still have it to this day.

So... I guess the question is, why did I start this blog in the first place?

I started singing at nine and I think from the moment I stepped on stage for the very first time I fell in love with the feeling of performing. Performing is the one and only thing that gets me through all the other tough parts about being a struggling musician. Particularly the song-writing part. As I said before, it's not that I dislike song writing... its just that I suffer from a severe bout of writer's block, on more than an occasional basis. There is no worse feeling than the lack of creativity. I find that the longer I stay in a "normal" environment... you know, a work place, a stale apartment, etc. I start to occupy my mind with things like grocery lists and check books, and I have a really hard time getting back to my roots.... to the things that make me happy... to my once totally creative and beautiful imagination. When I can't tap into that, I can't find anything to write about, other than the serious lack of creativity that I find in my day to day mundane routine. I can't help but feel depressed by it. Sure, I know what you are thinking... I have a TON of stuff going on, most times, too much for me to handle, but even the most unique and busy routines are still routine, none-the-less.

Take today for example. I have one day alone in my apartment... I woke up with a migraine and it totally threw off my routine. I spent half my morning trying to just figure out what to DO. It is such a rare occasion that I actually have some amount of time allotted for absolutely nothing... so what do I do? I start pacing back and forth and writing down all the little things that I need to do to fill this time productively. Yes, I get that from my Mom. She is a brilliant woman who knows how to do ten things at once. The problem is, finding time to just sit and observe the world around you. Finding happiness in simple things. I could have probably gotten a creative spark from the multi-colored floor of my apartment balcony (that has been splattered from my most recent paintings), but instead I spent an hour trying to match it's old color to paint it back so I could get my deposit back when we get out of this place in a few weeks. (Note to self - scratch that task off the list). How do we just.... be?

Well, anyway, I guess I am trying to figure that out. I am excited now that I finally decided to ditch the to-do list and start writing down my thoughts. I am hoping that it will help me to tap into that creative mind again so that I can write some awesome songs for the next album. In a few weeks I will be on the road with the band again, seeing and smelling and experiencing and meeting a million new people and things... But for now, I am going to try and find time to focus on the present, and see what I can come up with :)

Co